A Love Too Good to Be True
by Serenthia
Summary: Spoilers.  Avert your eyes.  Lily was a wonderful human being and Severus was always in love with her.  Or was he?  After all future Dark Lords really need current Dark Lords out of their way.  Plus Lily simply didn't stand a chance against a dementor.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I own everything. Rowling is my pawn._

Author's Note: Rowling was afraid to write the real truth about Snape so she wrote me to do so.

A Love to Good to be True Because It Is Too Good to be True

by: _Serenthia_

_Chapter One: Lily's Discovery that She Is Made to Forget_

Lily Evans carried her parcel down Spinner's End and wiped away a stray tear. Not only was she an incredible kind, sensitive, good, caring, smart, feisty, pretty girl but she was also an incredible seamstress. Such a combination of beauty, brains, and domestic skills made her sure of catching a man before she was eighteen. Being able to do the Imperious Curse didn't hurt any.

Anyway... back to the reason for her stray tear. Lily had just sewed a wonderful outfit for her ickle abused friend. Sevvie-poo would love her forever for it. Of course she couldn't marry him. That was just not done! He was greasy, poor, and ugly. Her kindness, however, would ensure his eternal love for her. He would never marry since no woman would ever be able to equal her!

Lily nearly swooned at her own greatness.

She looked to both sides of her, aware of the horrible decay, stench, and all around putridness of her surroundings. But still she had come. Her heart beat a little faster at her display of goodness and she skipped along the road merrily. Surely the sight of her- in her new green dress and hair ribbons- would give these poor people something to smile about for years to come- if not decades.

Severus's house would, of course, be the worst of this bunch.

Lily stopped dead. One hand flew to her mouth. There was his house! But... it was all wrong! The number was right... but...

It was a cute cottage painted in bright happy colors surrounded by flowers and a white picket fence. A large man stood on the walkway leading up the door. He was watering the flowers and happily whistling. His clothes were nice and he looked kempt. He had Severus's nose.

This was not right! Severus had told her his house was falling apart, decaying, with nothing but dirt and bones of dead dogs for a lawn, and his father was always inside tormenting his mother and him.

Lily hid herself behind a fence, sitting on her parcel so her pretty dress wouldn't get dirty, and watched.

"What are you doing?!" came a nine-year-old shriek.

"Watering the flowers that I replanted after you destroyed my other ones," the man said, his voice calm and kind.

Severus appeared on the scene wearing... cute blue overalls with a yellow shirt underneath them. Lily was scandalized. Not only was Severus wearing nice clothes but he wasn't so bad looking anymore. His hair was washed, brushed, and he was quite kempt.

"You are so mean!" Severus screamed. "How am I going to grow up to become a proper Dark Wizard if you don't stop doing things like this!"

A Dark Wizard? Lily leaned forward until her nose was caught in the fence. She ignored the discomfort.

The man sighed and smiled down at his son. "Severus, baby, I have a right to treat you nicely and a right to a nice-looking home."

Severus scowled, folded his arms, and turned on his heel- showing his back to his father. "I will never talk to you again."

"That what you said last month," the man said. "And the month before that and the month before that and..."

"I get the point," Severus said, turning around and clapping his hands together to beg. "Please, Daddy. We have to live in squalor and me and Mum have to live in fear of you! It's the only way to grow up to be a proper Dark Wizard! I can't have a good father. I can't! No self-respecting Dark Wizard would ever have one!"

Lily wiggled on her parcel. She, Lily Evans, was so wonderful that she could reclaim him if he ever became a Dark Wizard! It would be a love story of untold romance!

"Your mum's a witch," the man said. "Why would she ever fear me?"

Severus stamped his foot. "You are messing everything up! Mum listens to me. She locked me in a kitchen cupboard for two hours yesterday! It was terrible!" Severus said, his eyes alight with the delightful memory.

The man shook his head. "I'm going to have to talk with her. Again."

"Are you going to yell at her?" Severus said, hopeful. "You did once! I remember it! It was the happiest day of my life! I thought you had finally changed!"

"No," the man said. "I learned my lesson. I'll talk low and softly and hold her tightly while I plant kisses on her when I mention it."

Severus stamped his foot again. "Ugh! You're so mean!!"

"By the way, baby," the man said. "Quit taking clothes out of our neighbor's trash."

"I have no choice," Severus said, hitting himself in the chest, "since you insist on putting me in these _clothes_!"

"Why do you do it, anyway?" the man asked.

Severus drew himself up to his full height. "I have a woman."

Lily swooned on her parcel! She was his woman! Reclaiming him when he went Dark would be a piece of cake... Wait! She was a modern woman and modern woman were indigent about being called a man's woman.

"I am not!" Lily said, wrenching her nose free and standing up to reveal her pretty self. "I am nobody's woman!"

"That's her!" Severus said, glaring at her. "She isn't pretty but she'll have to do since she's the only witch around."

Lily's mouth dropped. She wasn't pretty!

"Why you... you... pig! I'm very pretty! Everybody says so," Lily said, tossing her long red hair. "And I have on my new green dress that matches my eyes and new hair-ribbons that match my dress."

She twirled around for them both to see.

"Wait a minute!" Severus's face blushed red. "You can't see me like this!" he screamed and ran into the house.

Next thing Lily knew she was standing at the begging of Spinner's End and Severus, dressed in rags, was standing next to her.

"You poor thing," Lily said, handing him the parcel. "I have to get home now," she muttered, dazed.

Severus took the parcel and looked forlornly at her. "My dad is really mean and my house is falling down around us. Pity me."

"I do," Lily said, nodding her head and walked back to her home.

She would have liked to have dazzled Spinner's End with her new dress and hair ribbons but that was not to be. At least Severus would have one decent outfit. That was all that mattered. That and him always loving her even when she married someone that was better looking, popular, and rich. A girl had her needs after all.

To Be Continued... Whether or not you, the dear reader, want it to be.

_Oh, yeah, all Americanisms are done on purpose. Rowling was born in America but then she got herself smuggled into Britain with a crate of onions when she realized having a British accent would make her books sell better. I'm a purist so I stuck with American- which is the original language of the books to begin with. Bloomsbury translated them and then Scholastic translated them back. Weird eh?_


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: Everything is mine. Including you._

Author's Note: Rowling sent me a note dribbled in tears after she ready my first chapter.

A Love Too Good to be True Because It is Too Good to be True (at least I think that was the title)

by: _Serenthia_

_Chapter Two: Dementor Kisses_

Lily followed her ex-friend down the sloping lawn of Hogwarts. She hadn't yelled at him yet that day and needed to fill her quota. She also needed to tell him what her Patronus was for she, Lily Evans, had, of course, already created one. It was standard procedure for one as great as she was. That way it would become his Patronus too- an essential happening for one enslaved by love to her like Severus was.

Severus was headed into the Forbidden Forest and Lily, being the rebellious feisty pretty girl that she was, followed him in- ignoring the rules, ignoring her own safety, and ignoring her two best friends in the whole wide world imploring her to stop. Great ones like her never stopped.

Lily flounced her way through the Forbidden Forest, dazzling all creatures great and small, magical and non-magical, with her beauty and fashion sense. Hogwarts may force her to wear hideous black robes but they could do nothing about her hair ribbons and socks. She was Beauty personified!

Amid this contemplation of her wonderfulness Lily flounced upon her ickle Sevvie-kins. Except he wasn't so ickle anymore. He was...

As great as she was Lily was also human- something she didn't like to remember. And right now her stomach rebelled and spilled all of its contents onto the forest floor.

Lily stood there, shivering, wiping her mouth, and staring. How... How...

Severus was standing there and a Dementor was kissing him! Except it wasn't giving him the Dementor's Kiss- it was actually kissing him! On his neck! Severus was leaning against a tree, his head titled to the side, his arms wrapped around the Dementor, and a smile of pure bliss on his face!

"You... you... you..." Lily, for the first time in her life, was at a lost for words.

"You pervert!" Severus screeched, his face flushing red as he tried to untangle himself from the Dementor.

It... Lily dearly hoped it was an it... moved aside to stand next to him.

"What if we had gone further!" Severus screamed, his fists balling up and his teeth baring at her.

Lily was at a lost. What... surely he didn't mean what she though he meant... did he?

"You and that..." Lily couldn't finish it.

Severus drew himself up to his full height. "She is my woman!"

"I thought I was your woman?" Lily squeaked, too shocked to even stamp her foot or toss her hair.

Severus shuddered. "Only in your dreams."

"But..." Lily stammered, trying to gather some of her normal self back. "What about me!"

How could he toss her over for a Dementor!? She wanted to cry. She settled for screaming.

"IT'S NOT NATURAL," she screeched.

Severus snorted. "Yes, it is. It's romantic!" he said, swooning as he stared at the Dementor. "She is a wonderful woman. And a great mother to my children."

Children! Severus had children! Severus wasn't supposed to have children! He was supposed to die a maid since he couldn't have her!

"How many do you have?" Lily asked, shocked and angry.

Severus eagerly pulled out some pictures from his pocket. He tapped the pile to reveal themselves and showed her.

"This is Wormwood," Severus said, showing a picture of his thirteen-year-old self holding an infant with gray skin, black hair, and a sneer on its face.

"This is Sheol," Severus said, showing her a picture of his sixteen-year-old self holding another infant with gray skin, black hair, and a... smile on its face.

"This is Regulus's little girl, Buttercup," Severus said, showing a picture of a thirteen-year-old Regulus holding a small little infant with long ears and large yellow eyes. "Him and Kreacher are an item, you know. Kreacher has to pretend to be a boy so no one suspects. They only have one child so far."

Lily felt dirty. She felt more than just dirty. She wanted to take her brain out of her head and wash it- for years. She was never going to feel clean again. This information wasn't just wrong... it was something _way _beyond wrong.

"I tell you, if it wasn't for Regulus, I don't know what I would have done," Severus said, shaking his head and pocketing the pictures of the ill-begotten children and their insane fathers. "Me and him understand each other. He's someone I can talk to. Relate to. And love. His parents don't understand him, though. Unfortunate. And I thought my dad was cruel. His are just as bad. Especially that mother of his. Always doting on him. She's never even used a curse on him before."

"How unfortunate," Lily mumbled and smiled up at Severus- realizing she had just gone insane.

Severus scowled at her. "Here I go again."

Lily found herself being led to edge of the Forbidden Forest.

"Did I yell at you already?" she asked, dazed.

Severus nodded his head. "Oh, yes. Gave me a proper verbal thrashing. I'll try to change, Lily, just for you."

Lily snorted, tossed her hair, and commanded her two prostrate friends (trembling at being so close to the Forbidden Forest and trembling in fear of what could have happened to Lily) to rise and attend to her.

"We'll see about that!" Lily said. "My affections are hard to win back once I have withdrawn them!" Lily pronounced. "It will take you years!"

"I promise I'll be good," Severus said, wringing his hands and batting his eyes. "I'll never even call you a Mudblood again. Mudblood is a word I'll never use again. Mudblood is such a bad word that it will never cross my lips again. Mudblood should be outlawed as a word. Only evil person would ever use the word Mudblood. I'm not sure how such a word like Mudblood even came into existence. It's not a nice word, Mudblood, is it?"

Lily opened her mouth to answer when she saw James. "I have to go," she said, eyeing James and being very careful to notice where he was heading, "and do things."

"Of course," Severus said.

Lily flounced away to verbally attack James. She had to get that rich boy to fall lin love with her. Just think of all the things she would be able to buy with the amount of money he was reputed to have! She would be a queen!

Lily glanced back, wanting to make sure Severus was staring at her retreating form with want, but he and Regulus were sitting on the ground and showing each other pictures. Weird. Oh, well. It was just this once that he didn't follow her with his eyes. She would let it slide.

To Be Continued: No matter how much you bribe me to stop.

Author's Note: Yep, I'm afraid Kreacher was really Kreacherette but Rowling didn't want anyone to realize what was going on between her and Regulus. He never died by the way. Kreacherette just claimed he did so no one would go looking for her love slave. Him and the children (they have six- some of which are married and have children of their own now) are safely hidden away in a deserted remote mountain-top castle.


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: Rowling is actually a giant onion. Apparently the onions she hid with on her voyage to Britain were able to come together and mimic her. She got thrown overboard somewhere along the way and is now Queen of a remote island. She doesn't mind. All those half-naked men are better than money anyway._

Author's Note: Um... yeah.

A Love Too Good to be True Because it is Too Good to be True (oh, how I wish I didn't have so many little words that I have to remember whether I did or didn't capitalize them the last time I wrote the title)

by: _Serenthia_

Tobias Snape stared down at his sleeping grandchildren, all safely nestled in the same bed and huddled together, and wondered how much time he would get if he were to rid the world of them.

The Muggle world would be outraged (knowing nothing about magic and the detrimental effects it had on the brain) and the wizarding world would be... something. Who knew what they would feel.

He never should have married Eileen Prince but she had seemed so helpless, so scared, so unsure of herself and Tobias had believed all she needed was a big strong man in her life to take care of her. To be fair to his dearly departed wife- that _was _all she needed. She had blossomed with him. And then... Severus had come along. The odd traits of Eileen that he could snuggle out of her wouldn't be snuggled out of Severus. Nothing worked with him! And now...

Tobias would always remember what could have been the happiest day of his life. The day that Severus had announced he had made a girl pregnant. Severus, only thirteen at the time, had seemed a bit young but Tobias was thrilled. Finally! A normal activity! Tobias was eager to meet the girl, welcome her into their home, and make sure she was well taken care of. That way Severus would have a child to worry about instead of... whatever strange and misbegotten things he normally worried about. Tobias had even offered to care for the child while Severus and the girl were in school.

Severus had looked perplexed and Tobias had then realized something was horribly wrong. Either the girl was too young or too old. Little did he realize the terrible truth of it all. That same day Severus had brought his love home- for good. A Dementor. A Dementor he named Cuddles.

Oh! the perverse agony of it all!

Tobias couldn't hurt his babies, though. They were all... fairly normal- for what they were. Tobias had simply learned how to handle them. Stern looks, a backhand now and again, crushing hugs, sandpaper back rubs, freezing baths, complete darkness when things got to be too much for them, and lots and lots of patience.

Cuddles was also a great mother to her bunch- always doting on them. She was also an amazing cook. Tobias smiled and patted his stomach as he thought of breakfast the next day. He had gained weight since Cuddles had come to stay with them and liked it.

He could get as fat as he wanted to since he would never marry again. That simply wasn't going to happen. Eileen and Severus had cured him of all desire to ever have a family of his own again.

"Grandpapa," Hel said as she lifted up her sweetly tousled head and slipped out from under the covers.

She crawled out of the bed and raised her arms. He lifted her into his arms and cuddled her.

"Where is Daddy?" she asked.

"Tormenting his students," Tobias said.

Hel giggled. "Is Harry Potter a student yet?"

"Yes," Tobias said. "He just started Hogwarts yesterday."

Hel nestled against him. "I'm glad. Daddy will be so happy!"

Tobias was sure of it. Poor Harry. He would never realize that Severus's nastiness and cruelness to him meant he actually loved him. After all Harry was the only link he had to James and Sirius and Severus had loved those two- the only people who would torture Severus and do other various horrible things to him- all which were essential to the budding Dark Wizard.

Tobias though of writing a note to Harry but decided against it. For all he knew Harry Potter might be as idiotic as his mother had been and think Severus could be 'saved' from the Dark. The only thing that was going to 'save' Severus was death.

To Be Continued: Yep... that's right. That lawsuit somebody filed didn't work.

Author's Note: This was an extremely serious and emotional chapter. I hope some keyboards are still dry.


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: The Nauruto (or however that is spelled) Hundo is on soon. Mmm.. I don't watch it or anything but who is the black haired boy? Is that Sasuke? I've heard the name. What's the story with him? Yes, this is a disclaimer: Use the Force to figure out how._

Author's Note: Obi-Wan Kenobi (in his younger years) was hot.

A Love Too Good To Be True Because It Is Too Good To Be True (look I capitalized every word to save myself immense aggravation)

by: Serenthia

_Chapter Four: Remus and His Velvet Coat_

Remus Lupin sat before his fire in his leather chair, sipping a very expensive cordial, ensconced in a velvet smoking jacket, and puffing on his imported and illegal cigars. A copy of the Daily Prophet lay on the ebony and marble table next to him. Its headlines screamed the death of Voldemort, the redemption of Snape's character, and Lupin's own death.

Hah! The fools! They had all been fooled by a poorly constructed (but apparently quite functioning since it had been able to produce a child) Simuloid. Luckily for Remus he had always kept himself aloof from everyone so no one noticed when he replaced himself.

Fighting evil was just so... boring. I mean, really. Who cared if Voldemort or the Ministry was in charge. Nothing would change for werewolves. At least it had better not! The wizarding world was prejudiced and blah, blah, but the Muggle world?

Oh, yes! Women and men pitied him and gave him things! Life was good.

Remus, hearing a knock on his door, placed his glass on the marble top of his table, and picked up his wand. He moved out of his richly furnished sitting room and into the den of squalor that he kept just for company.

Magicking his clothes into rags and adding a touch of artistic gray hair, Remus pocketed his wand, grabbed a nearby cane and hobbled to his front door.

"Oh! My aching back!" he said, opening the door and wincing.

A young girl stood there, holding a large basket full of good things to eat. "The women in the village sent this to you," she said. "Where do you want me to put it?" she asked.

"Over there," he said making his voice nice and hoarse while he indicated a rickety old table.

The girl put the basket on the table and turned to smile at Remus.

"You are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo brave!"

"I know," Remus said, as he collapsed onto the moth-eaten sofa he had wrestled Severus for back in their Hogwarts days. "Being a werewolf is so trying."

"I know it is," the girl said. "But don't worry. Our village will take good care of you."

Remus nodded his head and watched her leave.

As soon as she was gone he threw the cane back where it belonged, grabbed his basket, and rushed into his kitchen. The food, mostly imported, was put away. Being a werewolf in a rich village was wonderful! That idiot Dumbledore had nearly ruined it for him by giving him a job. What would Remus want with a real job? They were boring, annoying, and you had to wake up early.

Remus magicked his clothes back and prepared himself a delicious snack of cheese and crackers. He carried this back into his sitting room, turned on his plasma television, and ate his snack while he watched the greatest show ever to be created: Star Wars. His speakers, one in each corner of the room, added to the delightful experience.

Too bad he had no one to share this life with. There were several students Remus could have started something with but no... Severus had to ruin it all and drive him away. He knew he should have been more careful about eyeing his potential future mates. Maybe he should have noticed the teachers instead of the students.

Remus, pausing his favorite show, picked up the Daily Prophet and decided to actually read it. How in the world had a greasy, no-good, selfish, horrible, nasty, git like Severus redeemed himself anyway? Weren't there laws against that sort of thing?

Remus, after having read the account, lowered the newspaper and stared at the screen- paused on the words A NEW HOPE. Severus had loved Lily? Remus narrowed his eyes and decided he needed to investigate matters. Lily had been an idiot so why, in the world, would Severus had fallen for her?

"Remus Lupin!" he shouted to the air while he struck a pose. "Werewolf detective!"

For a detective was what Remus had always wanted to be. And it was what Remus hoped he would be one day. He just had to amass enough capital for his little venture since he didn't actually plan on doing enough work to support himself. _That _would be no fun at all.

Rubbing his hands together Remus assembled his detecting kit: his wand, a pencil (quills and ink were just so bothersome), a notepad (parchment made too much noise), and a compass.

He would need Dumbledore's Pensive to look through his own memories and see if he could find evidence of Severus loving Lily. And he would need a house-elf to get the Pensive for him since he couldn't just wander around Hogwarts. He would hide in the kitchens. No one could know he was still alive. Then they might make him raise that Teddy kid. Remus didn't want to raise any children that weren't his!

Sneaking into Hogwarts was a piece of cake and sneaking into the kitchens was even easier. The house-elves were binding up their hurt and looking quite proud of themselves.

Remus begged them to keep his secret and they agreed- for a price. Apparently Kreacher wanted to be freed of Harry's despotic control and wanted Remus to figure out how to free him.

"I hates him!" Kreacher said. "I hates him forever!"

"Kreacher read Lord of the Rings," Winky hiccuped. "Kreacher thinks he's Gollum. Kreacher is really a girl."

Kreacher's eyes widened and he/she grinned. "Nonsense. The little drunk house-elf doesn't know what she's saying."

"You are a girl," another house-elf said.

Kreacher grinned at Remus. "You will tell no one and you will now address me as Kreacherette."

"But... I thought you liked Harry," Remus said, looking at the house-elf and trying to figure out if it really was a girl.

Kreacherette snorted. "I had no choice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If they... me and Regulus... his room had clues... they might find out... he's mine!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had to pretend to like Harry and his friends so they would leave Regulus's room alone!!!!!!!"

Remus shrugged. What did he care. "I am a detective," he said. "And I need to find out if Severus loved Lily so can you..."

"He didn't," Kreacherette told him. "And he's not dead either. Cuddles took him away before I set the Shrieking Shack on fire."

Remus's mouth dropped open. "What? Why?"

Kreacherette rolled her eyes. "Why else? So he can ascend to Dark Lordship without anyone being the wiser and then pounce upon the unsuspecting wizarding world and rip its collective throat out."

That sounded like a plan. Remus patted his velvet coat and decided something.

"Tell Severus that if he needs help, Remus Lupin is available," Remus said. "I could be his detective and detect things! I wouldn't work hard or that much but I might be of some use."

"Aren't you mad about him being evil and all that?" Kreacherette said.

"No," Remus said. "I don't really care. I never did. I was only friends with James and Sirius because they bought me things. Then when Lily came along they quit. It was all about her then. Even Sirius bought her things. Of course, I think that was to make her leave James alone but... anyway. The gits. At least they all got killed. Those were the happiest days of my life."

Kreacherette nodded her head. "Free me! I've been away from Regulus too long! I miss him something horrible! I want my husband back!"

Remus sat on the ground and pondered how he would free Kreacherette.

A few days later Kreacherette popped into Remus's sitting room and smiled. "I'm free! That brat Harry accidently threw that shirt folded to look like a towel at me when I followed him into the bathroom when I gave him diarrhea! Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Regulus, baby, here I come! We have lots of catching up to do."

The house-elf popped away and Remus went back to watching his movie.

Life was good.

Life would be even better once Severus contacted him. He wanted to do some detecting!

Author's Note: Yep, Remus survived. He's too underhanded, sneaky, rebellious, and treacherous to die.


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer: It's amazing but Rowling gave me all the rights to her works. I think the recipe I showed her calling for lots and lots and lots of onion helped her decide._

Author's Note: Dear me... do I still have readers?

A Love Too Good to be True... blah blah

by: Serenthia

_Chapter Five: Sirius is a Sexy Beast_

Sirius Black, all around sexy beast that he was, apparated to the crossroads and glared sexily about himself. It was dark, deserted, and a fell cold wind blew. All in all it was the last place Sirius could find admirers. That stupid Snape!

No matter Sirius used the time wisely and struck various and sundry poses to see which ones he could use in daily life.

"Lusting after yourself again, Black?" asked a snarky voice.

Sirius swirled around, making sure his robes and long hair floated about himself in a mysterious manner.

"No," Sirius lied. "Here's your money," he said, pulling out the bribe money and dropping it on the ground.

There was simply no way he was going to touch Snape. That would be disgusting. Sirius was sure he had cooties.

Snape magicked the money to himself and counted it. Sirius scowled, making sure his face didn't line too much, and waited.

"You're evil," Sirius said.

Snape snorted. "I'm not the one pretending I'm dead. It was a good thing I pulled you out of that Veil. I'm rich!"

Sirius frowned. "Have you no compassion! No one can know I'm alive! Harry acts just like Lily and there is no way I'm going to inflict myself with her again! Ugh! She was bad enough the first time! Harry's even worse. All about peace, love, loyalty, and all that sentimental crap! And don't get me started on Hermione! She's even worse than Lily! Lecturing on and on and on and on. All women are idiots!"

Snape sneered. "Then why are you so desperate to attract their attention?"

Shrugging his muscular and defined shoulders Sirius waved a toned hand about. "I don't like women. I just like looking at their faces while they lust after me. It makes me feel good about myself. Something a greasy git like you would know nothing about. I'll bet you've never even been with a woman before."

Snape's eyes were alight. "How much?"

Sirius, gazing upon his svelte arm, didn't notice. "My entire fortune."

"Here," Snape said, shoving a picture under Sirius's heavenly sculptured nose.

Sirius allowed his piercingly grey eyes to look upon the pictures. It was a family portrait. Snape sat there, arm in arm with a Dementor, and about twenty children stood around them.

Sirius was sure his eyes were bleeding. Not only was he going to have to purge his body of his eyeballs but he was destitute now too.

He muttered something incomprehensible and collapsed.

Sirius woke and stretched his slender and hard body. Then he remembered. Sitting up, Sirius looked around himself. He was in a dungeon. He had a cell all to himself. And he had company. In the cell next to him were four gorgeous women- all identical!!!!! Talk about luck! And they were eyeing him with greed.

Sirius put on his most sexy "I don't care" look and laid down with his hands behind his head. He would figure something out but for right now he was content.

Sirius never did figure anything out. He was feed nutritious food, allowed to fly in the open air upon the back of a dragon (what could be more sexy than that), and given a full-length mirror to watch himself while he worked out. The four identical woman, all scantily clad at Sirius's request, were his constant companions. He never even saw Snape! Just minions that Sirius were pretty sure were Snape's children. No matter.

Life was good.

Author's Note: Sirius made it out alive too. I'm afraid Harry was simply too much for him to handle and so he fled. He never was a responsible one. Tsk, tsk.

Author's Second Note Because You Can Never Have Enough: I'm afraid these stories are in no logical order.


End file.
